


Cafe Padfoot

by Broshi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, Oneshot, Sirius the super sirius barista, and loves harry, but they have dog, haha more like oneshit because it's horrible kill me now, okay so they don't elope, sirius and reggie run away from their racist family to elope and fulfill their dream, who hates James
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broshi/pseuds/Broshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black loves his safe haven, Cafe Padfoot. He loves his brother, Regulus. He loves his dog. He loves Remus, the cool college professor. He loves Harry, the cute kid who is twenty times more mature than the average person. But he especially HATES James Potter - the stupid college student who can't drink coffee right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cafe Padfoot

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid and was written a year ago. Forgive me for I have no idea what I wrote. But it's over 2k and I'm proud, oh so proud.  
> Also I am ashamed because it's all past tense and disgusting, but I'm not editing this shit, hell to the fucking no. Ain't got time for that. Maybe some other time.

If it was one thing Sirius hated, it was James Potter.

  
Not that there was anything wrong with the guy, no. It was more like: James couldn’t order coffee to save his life. The idiot couldn’t even drink it like a normal person, no, he has to have a straw of all things to sip it with – who even does that? In fact, James didn’t even drink coffee; he just takes a sip before it cools to acceptable temperatures, burns his tongue, and pushes the damn thing over to his kid brother, Harry. Like what the hell, the kid’s eleven and was more mature than the twenty year old college student. The idiot actually drank chocolate milk and chocolate chai and other chocolaty drinks that Sirius reserved for children.

  
But who was he to speak? Sirius was just a barista. All he did was make coffee and talk to his dog. So he left the issue alone, but whenever James did enter, he had to resist the urge to grind his teeth and spit in the man’s drinks. Fortunately, Sirius’s younger brother, Regulus often took over the orders when James came along.

Now anyone would wonder: why did Sirius and Regulus own a coffee shop when they could just laze around and live off their family fortune? Why didn’t they use their knowledge – well, more like Regulus’s knowledge - to get into college? (Hell, Regulus could get into Cambridge without even lifting his pencil.)

The answer was simple: their family sucked serious balls. No, really, they did. The entire family was part of some radical nativist group that practically segregated against non-English peoples, and frankly, Sirius and Regulus could not care less for people’s race and ethnicity. So after a few decades of dealing with the bigots, Sirius upped and left, using his savings to buy a café. Another few years later, Regulus stumbled upon his brother’s little haven and eventually left the family too.

So there they were, lounging about in their little piece of heaven: Café Padfoot.

“Sirius,” Regulus looked over to his brother with a pout, “Sirius, you’ve got to help me out here, it’s Finals Week and you know how it is, so stop playing with Padfoot and help me.”

The man in question popped up from behind the kitchen counter and frowned at the sight of James Potter, who stood cheerfully at front of the line with young, sweet, and cute Harry beside him.

His eyes narrowed at Regulus and he spat out a quick, “No.” before ducking under the counter once more to rub his dog’s fat, fluffy, belly. Oh you like that Padfoot you old dog? You like that – you dirty, dirty dog. Because wow, no dog should have this amount of filth in his fur, Sirius thought his hands were going to turn black.

Regulus sighed, rinsed the blender, and set it back into its place, “Sirius, if you don’t come out here and help me, I won’t make you anything for dessert.”

He didn’t have to look up from his cleaning, for Sirius was already at the register and taking orders. Because if Sirius were to have a single weakness, it would have been his brother’s cooking.

The line had dissipated within minutes, and Regulus had finished up with half the orders, when James and Harry got to the front of the line.

“Hello Harry,” Sirius grinned, “Espresso again, or would you prefer something else?”

“I’d like an Americano, today, thank you.” Harry was a polite boy, Sirius liked him a lot more than James, anyways – James was a freak for drinking coffee with a straw and Sirius was never going to let that go. But really, Harry was polite, sweet, and had a kind streak the size of Russia, in fact, the kid was rather cute too, with his sweet green eyes and messy black hair. Unfortunately, the same could not be said about the boy’s fashion sense because Harry was rather conservative and often chose to share his wardrobe with his brother – who had the fashion sense of an ugly duckling.

James on the other hand, looked like quite the hobo. Honestly, his hair was a rat’s nest and his eyes were a hideously brown, shit color. His face was sported an aftershave that could most likely start a fire if Sirius rubbed at it, then again, it’d probably feel like rough sandpaper. Not to mention that James always seemed to wear the same v-neck and skinny jeans and silver rimmed glasses; good god, he looked like a painted whore.

“And this too, please,” Harry’s voice pulled Sirius out of his thoughts and the barista eyed the bottle of cheap chocolate milk with distaste, because there went his chance to spit in James’s drink without the idiot noticing. But whatever, Sirius simply rung up the order and took the money Harry offered. Then again, the idiot was rather quiet this morning, in fact, James seemed to be eyeing someone with a look akin to adoration. And with much thought, Sirius realized that James’s eyes were lingering on him – but that was impossible, so it was most likely someone behind him.

Except the only person that’d be behind Sirius was…

He honestly didn’t know, because Regulus was to his left, fixing up the orders with practiced ease – so he turned around and came face to face with.

“Remus!” his shout of surprise brought forth the attention of a few curious customers, but the quickly went back to sipping their drinks upon realizing how impolite they were being.

“Hello, Sirius,” the sandy blond grinned at his friend’s shout, “I see you’re still as childish as ever.”

Sirius simply gave him a wry grin and said, “You are what you eat.”

It would have been funny, had he not said it so seriously and given Harry a wistful look.

The silence was both deafening and awkward, because Harry just gave Sirius such a scandalous expression that left the barista feeling quite guilty.

“Sirius,” the boy cried out upon gathering his thoughts, “I thought you were my friend!”

Remus coughed loudly and interrupted the inevitable tears and betrayal, “Anyways, Sirius, how’ve you been? I do hope you and your brother have been thinking about my offer.”

Now before anyone can jump to conclusions, Remus was a college professor from a local college just a few blocks away from Café Padfoot. He was a frequent visitor of the café, and had formally met Sirius when the man pointed out a few flaws in his lesson plan – at first, he was astounded by the intelligence of a barista, but then he met Regulus and things happened because wow, Regulus was probably the most intelligent barista ever; Sirius’s cleverness was no match for his younger brother’s. So Remus offered the two of them a single semester scholarship to whichever major they wanted at the college. Of course, that was where a certain problem lied: the two of them couldn’t just up and leave the shop unattended, because Café Padfoot was their home and losing a home was not something the two of them wanted, not to mention that the scholarship was a rather small one and they couldn’t exactly afford it.

“So,” Remus smiled with unbound hope, “What’ll it be?”

Sirius shifted uncomfortably under his friend’s gaze, but he turned away like the tsundere he was and said, “I’m not going.”

And when Remus’s shoulders fell, he smiled and said, “But Reggie’ll go.”

A sudden crash echoed from the sink and the two friends looked to the younger man.

“Sirius!” Regulus cried, “I can’t!”

“Yes you can, Reggie. It’ll be good for you and I can save up to pay for your second semester, too.” He turned to make a drink and tossed a grin over his shoulder, “I know it’ll be difficult to not look at my sexy body for a full day, but you’ll still see me. And you’ll do great in school, too. So get good grades, become famous, and make me proud.”

Regulus gave his brother a tiny smile and made a move to embrace him, Sirius knew what was coming and instantly set the cup down and hugged his brother. The embrace was warm and it smelled like dog – but that was mostly because of Padfoot, either way, Sirius was happy for Regulus. Regulus was going to have the future Sirius could never get, Regulus was going to out into the world as a successful and famous whatever he wanted to be (possibly a stripper, but hey, whatever works – then again Reggie’s habit of streaking ended when he was five), Regulus was going to find a beautiful woman (or man, Sirius didn’t really care), get married, and possibly have multiple children to spoil and send to Sirius to babysit.

“Siri…”

“Ah ah,” he wagged his finger when they broke apart, “don’t say anything, just make me proud, alright?”

“But-“

“Will you go out with me?” James interrupted loudly, his face red and hands sweaty. He had been waiting to ask Sirius on a date since the day he lay eyes on the barista, except his lips would lock up and all he could say was “chocolate chai, please” and mechanically hand over the right amount of change. After that, he’d come by like clockwork and did nothing but sit at the same table, gazing at the love of his life from afar. Then Harry had come along, all mature, sassy, and in a relationship (it was a polygamous one, actually, but James didn’t need to know that) – so James asked his brother for advice and the brat came up with tons of ideas to help James get the man of his dreams. In fact, all of Harry’s ideas would have gotten James an instant date with Sirius (they were all ridiculously hilarious and cute, there was no way Sirius wouldn’t have fallen for James), except James was such a wimp that he couldn’t pull any one of them off.

And Harry had a long streak of bad luck, too, so it was really no surprise that James decided to get the courage to ask at a time like this. Of course, that didn’t really stop the boy from face palming and kicking his brother in the shin.

The only good thing about the situation was Regulus, who had suddenly received an epiphany.

So when Sirius tried to shoot out a vehement refusal, Regulus interrupted with a loud, “Yes, he’ll most definitely go out with you.”

“Reggie!” a wail of betrayal and a pat on the back from Remus (who wondered if his life was a soap opera and if he should learn first aid in case the situation turned Korean and someone gets hit by a car).

“Shush, Sirius,” the genius brother chided, “If I have to go to college then you have to at least try to find someone to date.”

“But-“

“No buts, Sirius,” he pulled a rather kicked puppy look, knowing full well that Sirius would fall for it because why not, Regulus was adorable and Sirius loved him, “please? Just one date – if it doesn’t go so well, then there isn’t any harm, so please? One date.”

It took a few minutes of begging for Sirius to wear down, but he eventually turned to James’s hopeful red face and said, “Yes.”

Twelve years later, James and Sirius were in a happy relationship, lived together in a nice house, had zero amount of sex, a pet dog, and made coffee together at Café Padfoot.

Harry was at this point, twenty three, mature, sassy, still in a polygamous relationship, and moving out of the house.

So it was no wonder that the moment Harry moved into his new apartment complex and the two men returned to their home, that Sirius immediately stuck his hand down James’s pants.

“Sirius!” James shouted in surprise at the assault, “Sirius, I thought you were going to wait?!”

“I did my waiting,” Sirius grinned as he grinded against his boyfriend, “twelve years of it! In my pants!”

Truth was that Sirius didn’t want to have sex when Harry was around. And the kid had stuck around for twelve years; even when he wasn’t in the house, Harry always managed to cockblock both men with surprising skill. It wasn’t long before Sirius learned to hate the being that was Harry Cockblocker.

But now he was gone, and Sirius was going to have sex, and nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to stop him.

Unless that something was the doorbell ringing and the familiar call of Regulus and Remus – who had actually gotten into a relationship with each other and had had desk sex in Remus’s classroom several times and enjoyed rubbing the fact in Sirius’s face.

“No!” Sirius shouted loudly, knowing full well that Regulus could hear him from the door, “No you cannot come in! I have done my waiting and I will wait no longer, do you hear me?!”

Moments passed and Sirius was proud to hear Regulus’s gagging and Remus’s “ewing”, the stairway creaking as they went back to their car.

Then, before he knew it, he was on his back and James was on top of him, kissing the side of his neck and leaving behind a trail of hickeys.

“Your twelve years have nothing on me,” James flashed a grin and nipped at Sirius’s collar bone, “I’ve been waiting since the day we’ve met, you know?”

And they had hot, gay British sex and lived happily ever after.


End file.
